instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
