saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
