I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
