Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
