I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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