We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
