Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
