I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
