he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
