There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
