I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
