I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
