God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
