im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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