You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
