I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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