Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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