Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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