i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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