haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
