I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
