I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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