the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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