i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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