Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
