Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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