I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
