My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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