the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I enjoy the company of your penis
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