I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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