His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He has the fingertips of a God
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