i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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