The beer is more important than you right now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
be right there i have to get my cape
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
