I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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