The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
