dude i'm inner monologue high
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize