mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
