bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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