We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
