Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
