you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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