I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
