Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
