My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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