so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
