we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize