I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize