my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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