I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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