I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
