capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
