remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
