I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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