i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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