dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
