dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How does one acquire holy water?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
