how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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