Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
