So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
