Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
