Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I understand Curling. That high.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
