ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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