you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
