best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
