New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
