Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
