Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
