There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
