I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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