It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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