You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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