im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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