i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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