I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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