I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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