just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
