So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
