Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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