could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
